College is supposed to be one of the most exciting times of your life—a fresh start, new friendships, maybe your first real relationship. But what happens when the person you’re dating—the one who’s supposed to care about you—starts to control you, isolate you, or hurt you?
It happens more often than most people think.
And when it does, it’s hard to know where to turn.
If you’re experiencing dating violence or you’ve been sexually assaulted by someone you know, this isn’t your fault. It’s not because you were too trusting, or because you didn’t “see the signs.” The truth is, dating violence and campus sexual assault are incredibly common—and often deeply misunderstood.
This guide is here to help you understand what’s happening, what your options are, and how you can protect yourself legally and emotionally—one step at a time.
What Is Dating Violence, Really?
Dating violence is a pattern of abusive behavior used to control, intimidate, or harm a romantic partner. In a college setting, it can be especially tricky to recognize because it often hides behind the illusion of closeness or concern.
Here’s what dating violence can look like:
- Emotional abuse: Constant criticism, guilt-tripping, or gaslighting (making you question your own reality)
- Controlling behavior: Monitoring who you hang out with, telling you what to wear, demanding your location at all times
- Physical violence: Hitting, shoving, grabbing, or any unwanted physical contact
- Sexual assault: Forcing or coercing you to engage in sexual activity against your will—even if you’re in a relationship
Yes, you can be sexually assaulted by someone you’re dating.
That’s one of the most painful realities survivors face: when love turns into something that violates your trust, your safety, and your autonomy. But just because someone is your boyfriend, girlfriend, or partner does not mean they’re entitled to your body.
Why It’s So Difficult to Speak Up
One of the hardest parts of dating violence is that it doesn’t always start violent. In fact, it often begins with love bombing—constant affection, gifts, texts, and a whirlwind sense of connection. By the time red flags start showing up, you’re emotionally invested, and maybe even isolated from others.
And when the abuse begins, it can feel like your fault.
You might think:
- “They’re only like this because they love me so much.”
- “I don’t want to ruin their life.”
- “People won’t believe me—it’s not like they hit me.”
- “I said yes at first…so maybe I can’t call it assault.”
These thoughts are so common. But they aren’t true.
No one deserves to be hurt or controlled—ever. If someone is ignoring your boundaries, physically harming you, or manipulating you into staying silent, it’s abuse. And there are people who understand what you’re going through and want to help.
Campus Sexual Assault: When the Lines Get Blurred
One of the most misunderstood aspects of dating violence is how often it overlaps with campus sexual assault.
Here’s the thing: sexual assault isn’t just a stranger in a dark alley. In college, it often happens behind closed doors. In dorms. At parties. With people you know and trust.
Maybe it happened when you were asleep or too intoxicated to consent. Maybe they kept pressuring you until you gave in. Maybe they made you feel like you owed them because you were in a relationship.
All of those scenarios count as sexual assault—even if you’re dating. Even if you didn’t scream or fight back. Even if part of you still loves them.
What You Can Do (Even If You’re Not Sure Yet)
You don’t have to have it all figured out right now. But here are some steps you can take—on your own timeline, and in your own way.
1. Put Your Safety First
The most urgent question is: Are you safe?
If you’re in danger right now, try to get somewhere safe. That could mean:
- Going to a friend’s dorm or a resident advisor
- Calling campus security or 911
- Contacting a campus crisis center or local women’s shelter
It’s not dramatic. It’s not overreacting. Your safety is always the priority.
2. Talk to Someone You Trust
Whether it’s a close friend, a counselor, or a confidential advocate, sharing your experience with someone you trust can be a powerful first step. You don’t have to go into every detail—just let them know that something feels wrong and you need support.
Many college campuses have a Title IX office, victim advocacy center, or sexual assault response team (SART). These folks are trained to help survivors of dating violence and sexual assault navigate what comes next.
3. Know Your Rights Under Title IX
Under Title IX, colleges and universities are required to respond to reports of sexual harassment, assault, and dating violence. That means:
- You have the right to report what happened
- You have the right to request a no-contact order
- You can ask for accommodations like class changes, extensions, or housing adjustments
- You are protected from retaliation
But here’s the catch: Title IX investigations can feel overwhelming. The process isn’t always survivor-friendly, and without someone advocating for you, it’s easy to feel like the school is more focused on protecting itself than on helping you heal.
That’s where legal guidance can make all the difference.
4. Consider Speaking with a Lawyer (Even If You’re Not Sure About Legal Action)
Talking to a lawyer doesn’t mean you’re filing a lawsuit. It just means you’re getting the information you need to protect yourself, your rights, and your future.
A lawyer experienced in campus sexual assault and dating violence cases can help you:
- Understand what Title IX can (and can’t) do for you
- Advocate for your rights during an investigation
- Prepare for interviews and hearings so you feel in control
- Hold your college accountable if they mishandle your case
- Explore protective orders or other legal options if needed
More importantly, they can offer something just as vital: peace of mind. When you don’t have to navigate this alone, everything feels just a little more manageable.
5. You’re Allowed to Change Your Mind
Maybe you’re not ready to report. Maybe you’re still processing what happened. That’s okay.
You don’t have to make any big decisions right now. But the sooner you connect with support—medical, emotional, or legal—the more choices you’ll have later.
This is about your timeline. Your safety. Your healing.
To the Person Reading This Who Feels Alone: You’re Not
You might be carrying a thousand emotions right now: shame, confusion, anger, grief. You might even be blaming yourself. But please hear this:
- You didn’t cause this.
- You didn’t “lead anyone on.”
- You are not being too sensitive.
- You have nothing to be ashamed of.
What happened to you matters. And so does what happens next.
Closing Thoughts: Healing Is Hard—but Possible
Dating violence and campus sexual assault are painful, traumatic, and often deeply isolating. But they do not define you.
You can be both brave and hurting. Healing doesn’t follow a straight line—and you’re allowed to take your time, change your mind, and reach out for help when you’re ready.
Just know: some legal options have time limits, and understanding those early on can help you keep all your choices open—even if you’re not ready to act yet.
Whether you’re ready to report what happened or just want someone to walk you through your options, there’s support waiting for you—without judgment, without pressure.
You’re not in this alone.
If you need someone to talk to about what happened and what your next steps might be, I’m here to listen and guide—not to push. Just honest answers, real support, and someone in your corner.